Day 2 - Oh, Canada. Oh, Detroit. Oh, Chicago. Oh, my goodness.

Day 2
Woodstock, ON - Onalaska, WI
Miles Driven: 649
Time in Transit - 16 hours
View From Hotel - Other hotels


"So, Alex," I asked the next morning. "What did you think of Niagara Falls? Beautiful. eh?"
He mumbled something about breakfast and rolled out of bed.

I spent a summer going to school in Canada and there are many things I love and admire about Canada. Poutine jumps to mind, as does beer. I had no idea how well they handled breakfast, however.

On this trip, we were to become experts in hotel breakfasts (note: it is very easy to become an expert - they are all nearly identical).

Figure 1. Typical Free Hotel Breakfast?
Almost. But not quite.

So what tiny, magical element separates the Canadian Free Hotel Breakfast from its sub-standard American counterpart?

Cheez Whiz!

Oh, those wacky Canadians.

This hotel offered, among the many standard options, individual packets of Cheez Whiz, the most disgusting food-like product in the history of mankind.

Mix it into your yogurt!
Spread it on your bagel!
Try to forget that it exists!

Tori opted for a completely Cheez Whiz-free apple. Not Canadian, dude.

As much as we wished to embrace and celebrate the local culture, we couldn't get into Cheez Whiz for breakfast. instead, we opted for an even more iconic Canadian institution.

Tim Horton's Donuts! 87% Cheez Whiz Free!

The hotel staff was enjoying some Tim Horton's, too.

We took our Tim Horton Bag of Sweetness and headed back out on the road. Crossing back into the U.S. was a bit more challenging than crossing into Canada.

There is the border! We're almost there!

So... close...

Traffic into Detroit was a bit more dense than I might have expected. We had a lot of time to savor the lingering flavor of our Tim Horton's donuts.

Q. What will the U.S. border guards say about my shirt?
A. Absolutely nothing.

We wound our way along the southern edge of Lake Michigan enjoying billboards like "Lakes Region Medical Center - Vasectomies - Buy one side, get the other side FREE!"*

* Yes, really.

We also noticed signs in Michigan warning drivers that if they hit and kill a highway road worker, they would face a $7,500 fine. However, when you cross the line into Illinois, the signs warn that if you hit and kill a worker, you could face a $10,000 fine AND up to 10 years in jail.

Michigan needs to step it up a bit if they want their workers to feel valued.

A quick for a gourmet tailgate lunch.

Yay! We're in Indiana. Now we're leaving.

Sorry, Alex. It's not Tuesday.

We continued along our merry way until we reached the outskirts of Chicago. Hoping to erase the memory of last night's Dinner of Horror, we found Giordano's Chicago Deep Dish Pizza Palace of Earthly Delights and stopped in for pizzas that weigh as much per square inch as lead.

Oh the deliciousness.

Yay! Good pizza!

We spent a lot of time photographing our pizzas.

Kerri took too long taking her picture and I ate her piece.

Full of pizza, we staggered back to the van, stored our hundreds of pounds of leftovers in the cooler, and made our way into Wisconsin. As it stands, I have only seen Wisconsin in the dark, but it seems lovely.

Wisconsin by night is quite pretty. But so is just about everything, really.

Day 2 is when we made our first big logistical goof. Our plan all along had been to wing it on this trip. Drive until we're tired and find a hotel. It would have worked fine had it not been for the military exercises going on at a huge military base in Wisconsin.

As the highway droned past us and evening gave way to night, we needed a place to stay. At about 11:30 we pulled off the highway and into a hotel parking lot.

No vacancy.
We tried another hotel.
No vacancy.
Another.
Nope.
Nope.
Nope.

We got back on the highway and drove to the next town, about 15 minutes away. Same thing.

No vacancies anywhere.

It took two more exits on the highway before we finally pulled into a Microtel Hotel at 1:30 am and got a room.

I don't remember much about it except that it had beds and I slept very, very well that night. And it was a good thing, too.

Because the next day, we had an appointment with some SPAM and a bloody wood chipper.