Day 11 - You'll Have to Talk to My Agent About That.

Day 11
Garberville, CA - Sonoma, CA
Time in Transit - About 6 Hours
Total Miles Traveled - 214
View From Hotel - No Hotel!

I have to admit that, many years ago, when I signed on to be a client of Abi Samoun at Red Fox Literary Agency, I got a certain pleasure out of using the expression, "You'll have to talk to my agent about that."

So, an evening at home with Kerri might sound like this:
"Hey, Marty. Can you help me peel some carrots for dinner?"
"You'll have to talk to my agent about that."

or

"Dad? Can you help me with my homework?"
"I'm sorry. You'll have to talk to my agent about that."

It was non-stop hilarity.
For me.
For my family?
Not so much.

Today, thanks to Abi's generosity, we are heading to Sonoma to spend the night with her family. It will be nice to spend the night in a home, rather than a hotel room. Especially the one we were in last night.

Extra locks. Most likely to keep more cars from crashing through the wall. I guess it worked. No crashes last night.

This is the view out our window.

Seriously. That's our view. It's the front office.

Kerri wondered about the very odd placement of this painting on the wall.

It's easier than fixing the hole!

This is the office. Located directly in front of our room. Did I mention that?

The rest of the sign should read "...to the building, you moron."

Ahhhh, yes. Home sweet home.

I may have gone up the street to a much more expensive hotel and grabbed some coffee and breakfast goodies from the free breakfast offerings. I can't quite remember. I was confused from sleep deprivation, lying awake, paranoid about a car crashing through the front of the room.

After a breakfast that I can only vaguely recall, Tori and I went to the local grocery store to get some lunch. We couldn't help but notice that there were a lot of people wandering around town at this very early hour, looking somewhat red-eyed and hazy.

Abi explained to us later that Garberville is where much of California's marijuana is farmed. That could explain the car through the hotel, too, now that I think about it.

We hadn't gone far before the siren call of another tourist trap sang loudly to me.

Sad, weathered billboards advertised "Confusion Hill - Mystery & Fun". And the question marks on the signs were BACKWARD! If you can resist backward question marks, you are a stronger person than I.

I had to stop.

It was bad enough so that Kerri and Tori actually refused to even get out of the car. Their lives are much the poorer for that decision.  Here is a small sampling of what they missed out on:

Backward question marks is a sure sign of quality fun for the whole family.

A giant shoe? I'm already confused and I'm not even on the hill yet! I LOVE this place.

More zany fun!

There were a lot of signs at Confusion Hill. Mostly telling me what I should not be doing.

Don't let the huge chain and padlock fool you - they are OPEN FOR FUN!

And, somehow, have been open since 1949.

There was a large free area, with a lot of free reading material.

Ahhhh, the rare and elusive Chipalope. A stuffed chipmunk with horns. I didn't take a picture because I wanted YOU to share in the confusion of Confusion Hill.

Your fortune is: You will regret coming here. Also, watch out for the Chipalopes!

A walk in the chipalope-infested woods.

There were a LOT of signs. Did I mention that? Two of the big attractions are The Gravity House, which, I would have to guess, contains gravity, and The Mountain Train Ride which, at a mere $10, seems like an inexpensive way to throw your life away.

Fancy artwork on display. The small print informs disappointed art collectors that this artist's work is no longer being produced.

I pushed the play button on exhibit 11. I listened to the wandering, possibly drunken story that crackled and popped out of the speakers. I gave up after about 3 unintelligible minutes. Congratulation, Confusion Hill - you confused me.

Another display that defied any sort of connection with reality. I tried so hard, but I had no idea what was supposed to be shown by this display. i Was... CONFUSED!!!

Short answer: No. 

Just to be clear - did I mention that there are a LOT of signs here?

Playground area: Please do not climb on rocks.

This was another of the brilliant free attractions available to you on your visit. A box of rocks for you to balance. Kids LOVE rocks!

The playground was less confusing than many other parts of the hill.

This was, by far, the most amazing exhibit I have seen anywhere.
I was bitterly disappointed that Kerri and Tori were in the car and unable to enjoy this with me. But I'm going to build my own as soon as we get home.

Behold! The instructions. The subtle genius of this had me laughing for days.
Are you still looking at each other?
Bwaaa hahahahahahahaaha!

Pet Rock Prison.
Are you confused yet?

How about now?

I staggered out of Confusion Hill, my head awhirl with, well... confusion.

possibly as a result of the residual confusion, or possibly some sort of Chipalope-born illness I had contracted,  I allowed Tori to talk me into getting off the most direct route and swing westward along Route 1, the windiest, curviest road in the entire history of roads.

I do not care to dwell on this experience. The speed limit was 55 mph. And while I struggled to hit 25 mph, I was passed again and again and again by drivers who were in a huge hurry to smash into a tree, a genuine California experience that I was happy to avoid.

We eventually wound our way to the coast and continued onward to Abi's. As we drove through vineyard after vineyard, the temperature steadily rose until it was a comfy 111 degrees outside. Tori was warm enough so that she only wore one sweatshirt.

We did eventually make it to Abi's without bursting into flames. We were warmly welcomed (warmly, get it?) into their home.

Abi and her sonTristan built their own, official Little Free Library right in the front yard!
I was happy to see that she wasn't giving away MY books for free.

The top secret headquarters of Red Fox Literary, Sonoma Branch. Please note Tori doing a terrible job of hiding from the camera.

Inside Abi's Fortress of Solitude, our home away from hell tonight.

For a literary agent, she has a lot of books for some strange reason.

Red Fox door knocker.

Red Fox door mat.

Me and Abi. In true agent form, she art-directed this photo exquisitely.
 I only had to take it about 14 times before she was satisfied.

Abi took us on a delightful tour of Sonoma with her two young sons. Her husband, Brian, was kind enough to make us a wonderful dinner. I don't think I'm supposed to mention the margaritas and chips and guacamole we stopped for while he was at home, so please don't mention it, okay?

Back at Red Fox Headquarters, we ate and drank and sweated and had a delightful time together. I really can't thank Abi and Brian enough for their kindness and hospitality.

It was a wonderful evening, but soon we had to call it quits and say goodnight.

Tomorrow, we're heading into San Fransisco.