The Sweatiest Road Trip Ever - Day 4 - Move In Day!

Day 4 - Move-In Day. Plus, Mexican food!

Today is the big day. We are finally going to go to the Mexican restaurant that Kerri and Tori visited when they came here to tour the school.

Oh, and also, Tori is moving into her dorm.

But the Mexican food sounds delicious right now.

We packed up Squanket and, once again, hit the road.

The condition of the back of the van degrades every day. I fear what it will look like in a week.

Tori is still unsure how to seat herself properly.

Who's ready for some more driving? Oh! Me! Me! MEEEE!

Kerri and I both went to college in Florida. The one thing that has always impressed itself upon me about this state - besides the heat, the humidity, the cockroaches, the alligators, the spectacularly corrupt state government, the bewildering array of criminal activities, and the heat and humidity - are the drivers.

Florida drivers are the boldest, most daring drivers I have ever experienced. They will squeeze into a space between two other cars with 6 inches to spare, driving 82 miles per hour on the highway. I suppose it stems from the constant traffic, which necessitates sitting through 6 light cycles at each traffic light.

I can now see why all the traffic injury lawyer billboards are on display every 15 feet.

We experienced all manner of moving violation on our drive to the campus to get Tori checked in.  We were also entertained by the vast and bewildering assortment of services being offered to consumers. Along with the 85 million accident lawyers, we also saw:

Oohh! More adult entertainment.

More religious advertising.

No cost options? What is it? Two bricks? Somebody please call and let me know.

Kerri was still driving. No detours, Marty. 

The roadside facilities in Florida weren't quite as lovely as the ones in South Carolina.

Although they were easy to find.

This is not a sign that one might see in New England. I feel like we are missing out somehow.

Aging palm trees that needed walkers.

True fact: Florida is a very flat state. Hills like this are actually piles of garbage. Trash is piled up and then grass is planted on it. Really.

Our drive wasn't a long one today, but we did need to make a pit stop at a state-funded rest area. It was better than Disney.

Florida does not require that vehicles are inspected for safety. What could possibly go wrong?

I tried handing out some leftover literature advertising Skyline Drive, but people were oddly reluctant to take any pamphlets from me in the restrooms.

Don't try to do it hands-free. Trust me.

Only a DOLLAR?!? Blonde entertainment? Fishing stories? Redneck Jokes? Adventures? Travel? Kerri, can I PLEASE have a dollar? PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE!

She did not give me a dollar. She gave me a pamphlet advertising Skyline Drive.

There was also a helpful chart indicating some of the more exotic ways that Florida can kill you.

Tori is more excited than ever to be living here.

Stepping carefully, to avoid any deadly snakes, and trying not to trip over any of the parts that had fallen off of uninspected cars, we piled back into Squanket for the last leg of our journey.

"I sure wish I had some redneck jokes to share with you," I sighed. "Or some fishing stories."
Kerri's death ray glare missed me.
"Maybe even some blonde entertainment that we could enjoy as a family."
"Let's see what's on the radio," Kerri suggested, cranking up a country music station, which, along with evangelical hellfire sermons, is the only thing available on the airwaves in the south.

Tori actually thought it was hilarious to watch me try to find a station that wasn't one of the two. Eventually, I gave up and turned the radio off. I stared glumly at the endless string of billboards and then I saw it.

A sign!

It's her school! We're almost there!

We cheered loudly. "Hooray! We're almost there! We'll get you all moved in!"

Our cheering subsided quickly when we looked ahead and saw:

No! Not that!

Looks like

we might get

some rain.

Along with the heat, humidity, cockroaches, venomous snakes, alligators, etc., Florida is also home to wonderfully wacky weather.

The skies decided that they had contained all the humidity they could, and they wanted to share some with us.

Don't worry. This will burn off by noon.

The rain stopped before we reached campus, but the skies were still threatening.

"If we only had an issue of Florida Singles weekly, we could use it to protect us from the rain," I suggested. "Also, we could enjoy some fishing stories and redneck jokes to keep us entertained as we move Tori in."

"It's not raining," Kerri said.

And, the universe, hearing her, unleashed the rain.

I cocked an eyebrow and smiled slyly.

Move-in day, as seen from the administration building.

Tori checked in with the check-in people and Emily told us that there was a problem with her files. A transcript was missing and she couldn't move in without it. Tori was given a slurry of inside jargon that meant nothing to anybody except Emily. "You need to get an AF from OPS so they can clear your TRD and then your DG can approve the VCR for housing."

We stood there staring at the girl.

"Any questions?" she asked.

"We need a what, now?" I asked.

The process involved - and I am not kidding - We had to wait about a half hour to talk with someone in administration. As we waited, I suggested again that some redneck jokes would really help to pass the time. When Tori was called, she and I met with a administrator who took us back to her cubicle. She printed out a piece of paper. She then walked us back to Emily, the first girl we spoke with, and asked her if Tori was all set. "Yes," Emily replied. The administrator signed the paper and handed it to Tori. "Okay. You're all set. Have a great year."

I have no idea what happened, but if there is a less efficient way to do whatever bureaucratic nonsense they did, I'd like to know about it.

Armed with her magic paperwork, we set off through the rain to Tori's dorm.

"You know, if we had..." I began.

Kerri held up a warning hand. "Don't."

I didn't.

At her dorm building, Tori was whisked away to fill out more paperwork. I'm glad to see that college is training her for the real world in this way.

She was given her room key and a small welcome bag.

Ohhh, more paperwork! Hooray!

The gift bag contained, among other delights, a roll of toilet paper.

We lugged her things up to her room, passing many other sweaty students and parents along the way.

This bulletin board welcomed us to her floor. I offered to donate an "R" to the cause, but Tori didn't think that would be appreciated.

Her roommates had already moved in and they weren't in the room, so it made the snooping a little easier. There weren't any bloody hatchets or copies of Florida Singles in the room, so I suppose everything will be all right. I wonder if we might be in for a Colton episode, as when Alex's roommate did not show up for several days after move-in when he went to school.

Her room.

There is plenty of storage. If you can reach it.

No joke. Alex is 6 feet tall. Who installed these cupboards? 

The closet also had plenty of space. See the shelf? There is another shelf above that one.

Completely inaccessible, but there it is if you need it!

Tori loves her room and she wanted a top bunk, so she's thrilled about this!

After we got her moved in, we were ready for the actual main event of the day - Mexican food! Kerri and Tori had discovered a tiny, family run Mexican restaurant when they came down to tour the school a few months ago. They were both eager to return.

The good news is that it was only 8 miles from campus. The bad news is that with the normal Fort Lauderdale traffic, that drive took more than a half an hour.

We have arrived.

It was spectacular inside.

I seriously love this place.

Oh, boy!

Alex is still doubtful.

The food was amazing.

After dinner, we drove Tori back to campus and dropped her off.

That, my friends, is a strange feeling. An odd mix of delight, sadness, pride, fear, and admiration.

Tori walking off toward her future.

As we pulled out of the parking lot, Alex expressed a rather urgent interest in finding a bathroom.

"We're a mile from the hotel," I said.
"Nope. Can't wait," he gasped.

Kerri pulled over at the administration building.

Hurry, Alex! Hurry!

And it was closed for the night.

He waddled back to Squanket and climbed in, sweat beading on his brow. "We need to find a bathroom," he croaked. "Now."

"Seriously," I said, "We're a mile away from..."

"Now."

Kerri pulled into a gas station called Tom Thumb and thus transpired what will forevermore be referred to as the Tom Thumb Incident.

After a few hours, Alex emerged from the building, pale and shaking. He used the words "violent" and "terrifying" to describe his ordeal and that is all that we shall say about the matter.

We made our way back to the hotel, conveniently located between a Waffle House and a Wawa gas station.  Kerri and Alex opted to read in the room a bit and I went to the pool for a swim.

I shall swim alone.

This is the beautiful view from outside the pool. 

The view is slightly less scenic when you don't zoom in, though.

Okay.

The pool was located in the back of the parking lot. the restful sounds of traffic and unidentified animal snuffling relaxed me.

I floated in the warm water, wondering how Tori was doing and how she was enjoying her first night in college.