Wednesday, September 4, 2019

The Sweatiest Road Trip Ever - Day 8 - Escape From Key West!

Day 8 - 
This is me, sweating through my shirt from walking across the parking lot to the van.

It seems I've been complaining a lot lately. The heat. The humidity. The crappy hotel coffee. The crappy hotel breakfasts. The sub-standard Cuban sandwiches.

Well, today we are leaving Key West and I will try to be upbeat and positive, like the ray of sunshine that I am.

On the plus side, this hotel is swanky and fancy so they don't provide any free coffee or breakfast at all.
No crappy hotel coffee or breakfast!
That's nice.

I took an early morning stroll around the hotel to try to get in as much walking as I can before we get in Squanket for many, many hours.
I like walking!
That's nice.

Do not swallow that water... especially if someone is breaking the rule above that.

Nobody who is ill with diarrhea should be in the pool where we swam yesterday!
That's nice.

Because they may be ill with diarrhea.

Nobody was touching or feeding the iguanas!
That's nice.

This was the smallest iguana I have ever seen. Most of them are the size of a kindergartner. 
When I got back to the room after my morning constitutional, Kerri was seated in a Dr. Evil chair, sipping non-hotel coffee.

Her coffee is... Evil!
My wife is hilarious, even first thing in the morning!
That's nice.

We packed up all our things and said goodbye to Key West.

Goodbye lovely view from our room.

Goodbye, untouched and unfed iguana.
Goodbye lovely pool area with nobody who is ill with diarrhea swimming in you. I hope.
Hello, highway.

Alex found a 110v. outlet next to his seat and made himself extra comfortable with a fan that he stole from Tori.
The ride back from Key West was much like the ride down, except in reverse, and with much, much more traffic.

I did suffer one bitter disappointment on the drive back north. I discovered that, somehow, we had missed a trip to Funland.

No, kids. We're not going to Disney. We're going to FUNLAND!
I couldn't figure out what makes it so fun and the mystery still haunts me.

There were other places that we didn't stop, either.

Look! They have antique cars you can drive! That's why it's for adults!
I will be installing one of these in our yard when we get home. Don't tell Kerri. It's a surprise.

I will also be carving some trees to look like these. Another surprise. Shhh!

We opted not to stop here.
Because, seriously - Where is it?!?

We also missed the Shed Stacking World Cup Finals.
And the world famous Beer Can Shorts.

But we did have another chance to see the natural beauty of the Keys.
Speed and crippling depression from seeing what we did to their islands.

Honestly, the rest of the day was spent driving. Or, at times, sitting in the van and not driving because the traffic was so bad.

The big highlight of the day was that, through an effective campaign of whining and sniveling and sobbing, I got Kerri to make a slight detour from the highway as we drove along the outskirts of Fort Lauderdale.

Were we going to pay a quick, surprise visit to Tori to check in on her?

Were we getting off the highway to avoid this guy and his Dangerous Appliance Stacking show?


Did we drive a few short miles out of our way to get another AMAZING CUBAN SANDWICH?


Did Alex turn his nose up at an amazing, fresh Cuban sandwich and, instead, subject his body the horror of a burger from an international chain, specializing in crappy burgers?


Did we get stuck in more traffic?


Kerri is a trooper. She drove on, and on, and on, and on.

Past more scenic landfill mountains.

Ohhhh, Mt. Stinky!
Past an assortment of super classy bumper stickers.


Past more attractions that I was not allowed to attend.

Please let me go to Machine Gun America! Look! There are scantily clad blondes there!

Long past a beautiful sunset.

Long into the night, and past the longest stretch of No Parking signs I have ever seen.

Wait - can I park here? Along the highway?

We drove all the way from Key West to Tallahassee. A mere 13 hours in Squanket.

We found a hotel and I slept soundly knowing, because I asked in advanced, that there would be free, crappy, hotel coffee awaiting me when I awoke.

That's nice.

No comments: