Ocean City Vacation: Day 4 - Sunburns, Splinters, and Beach Art

After yesterday's near-death experiences fending off the wild, man-eating ponies in Assateague State Park, Kerri and Tori decided that they would like to spend this, our final vacation day, lounging around on the beach.

Those who know me well know that I do not lounge well.
I lounge even less well on a beach.

I accompanied my loving wife and daughter to the beach and immediately became bored and restless.

"Why don't you stroll down the boardwalk and get us some popcorn," Kerri suggested. We had been told that we simply MUST get Fisher's Popcorn while in Ocean City. Kerri figured that having me walk a mile and half each way for a $50* bucket of popcorn would kill two birds with one stone.

1. We would have popcorn.
2. I would stop being annoying to her and would, instead, be able to spread my annoyingness along the entire boardwalk so EVERYONE could enjoy it.

(* The bucket of popcorn was not actually $50. There was sales tax, too.)

I strolled slowly, as the longer I was strolling, the less time I was lying in the sand, cooking.

I still wonder what possible purpose this 6 inch thick solid steel door could serve. It's probably there to keep rogue ponies off the beach.

Nope.

A sign at a local tavern.

That same tavern has the shell of a VW bus out front for all the kids and drunk people to climb on.

Barefoot people and jagged, rusty metal? What could possibly go wrong?

A wide selection of t-shirts for all your racist needs.

Now here is an idea I can get behind. Their kids' menu appears to feature cocktails, beer and wine. It's about time somebody thought of the kids.

I eventually did purchase the world's most expensive caramel corn and made my way back to the the beach where Kerri and Tori were happily developing melanomas the size of rusty VW buses.

While crunching across the sand, I noticed that it clumped together in much the same way as some brands of kitty litter claim to do. Unlike the kitty litter, however, chunks of sand could be picked up and carved. (Yes, yes, yes. I know that you COULD pick up kitty litter and carve it, but ewwww. Come on, people. That's nasty.)

My afternoon was officially filled.

I began to construct a Stonehenge of 6 inch tall sand sculptures, each carved with my hands and a tiny shard of broken shell.

This is Tori's sculpture park. She's so cool, she didn't even use the sharp shell. Just her fingers.

Kerri decided that we needed some beach cred, so she made us name tags.

Even Kerri got into the act, showing us all up by carving actual letters.

Shhhh.. Artist at work.

I eventually tired of building tiny sand sculptures and gathered materials for something different.

I call this: Shells; Seaweed; and Seagrass: A Study in Kinetic Translucence

Our plans to start an oceanfront sculpture park were ruined by this pesky thing called high tide.

And, as the sun set slowly in the west and the ocean breezes blew cooler, our day at the beach was over.

We had a fun time in Maryland when we weren't getting chivvied by deadly ponies; attacked by rampaging tumble-turds; developing skin cancer; buying overpriced popcorn; and avoiding rip-tides, sharks and crabs.

Maybe next year we can vacation someplace safer. 

Like in a rusted out VW bus.

Ocean City, Day 1: Horses; French Fries; and Popcorn

We, as a family, faced a large crisis recently.
April vacation was looming large in our immediate future and We wanted to do something fun for a few days. It had to be someplace we could drive and it had to be relatively inexpensive.
My many suggestions like: the grocery store, the path in the woods right near our house, and the couch, were dismissed out of hand by the powers that be.
Alex was not going to be joining us because he is on the volleyball team and had practice over vacation. That left the decision up to Tori and Kerri.
Tori wanted to go someplace warm, sandy, and beachy. She suggested Bora Bora and, by the way Kerri's eyes lit up, I knew that immediate action was required on my part.
I offered a compromise of placing a big tray of salt water next to the sandbox in our yard.
Neither Tori nor Kerri was impressed.
Kerri swooped into action and proposed Ocean City, Maryland.
I sputtered and wailed about the 8+ hour drive, but Kerri is a brilliant tactician. She sealed our fate by showing Tori pictures of a place called Assateague State Park where wild horses roam freely along the beach.

Here are things Tori loves:
1. The Beach
2. Horses

Here are things I cannot stand:
1. The Beach
2. Horses

So, naturally, we packed up and headed off to get sunburns while being stompled to death by roving gangs of rabid, wild beach ponies.

We left at 2:30 in the afternoon on Saturday and, after a drive that I would like to never think about again, we rolled into Ocean City–bleary-eyed, and butt-fatigued–at about 11:30 that night.

The lobby was tastefully decorated with buckets of long, disgusting old man toenails.

They also featured what appeared to be a Muppet stuck in a large, white vase.

Kerri and Tori enjoyed the Dr. Evil chairs in the lobby.

And Tori was very excited that SHE would be able to push the buttons in the elevator and she would not have to share that thrill with Alex.

As we checked into the hotel, the lady at the front desk cheerily asked us if we had even been to OC before. When she found out that we had not, she leaned over the counter conspiratorially.  "While you're here, you HAVE to get Thrasher's French Fries and Fisher's Popcorn."

Here are things I love:
1. French fries.
2. Popcorn

We staggered off to our room and dropped into bed so we'd be well rested when we needed to escape from gangs of wild horses, intent on stompling us to death before eating our french fries and popcorn.