Sunday, May 30, 2010

Some Terrifying Lulu Action

You long time, hard-core Marty Kelley groupies out there–and I'm sure there are millions of you–may remember that for quite some time on my real website (not this fake Marty Kelley knock-off site you are looking at now), there was a picture of a Marty Kelley scarecrow displayed for some time.

Before I continue, I'd like to point out that I have managed to use my first and last names three separate times in the first sentence of this posting. That may be a new record.

Anyhow, librarian Sue Demanche was the evil mastermind behind the Marty Kelley (4!) scarecrow and now she has outdone herself, creating a horrifyingly realistic, life-sized statue of such osculating audacity that it must be named...

Auntie Lulu.

The mascot to my website (Click here if you missed the last link...) has brought terror to the hearts of thousands of visitors to my website (there's another chance...) beckoning them in and daring them to kiss her mustachioed candy-colored lips of doom.

Now Sue has taken this digital threat and brought it to life. The life sized Auntie Lulu doll was posed outside the doors to her library like a sleepless sentry in need of a kiss. Along with her dimpled arms and 250% polyester dress, Auntie Lulu came complete with pinned on wax lips that demanded kissing. Those oh-so-kissable lips also had a tendency to fall off at random times throughout the day, adding carpet lint to her lips for some exciting tactile textures during that kiss.

I begged and cried and whimpered in a very manly way, but there was no escape. I was forced to kiss Auntie Lulu.

It was actually far less pleasant than you may have expected.

Sue's attention to detail was stunning. In this picture, you have a clear view of the extremely fashionable Mr. PotatoHead earrings that she used to compliment Auntie Lulu's dress and really bring out the green in her eyes.

After I recovered from the shock and horror of meeting–and kissing–Auntie Lulu (actually, I don't think I'll ever fully recover) Sue was kind enough to let me rinse my mouth out with the rice crispy treats and fruit that she brought for breakfast. It was quite possibly the most perfect breakfast I have ever eaten.

Sue also has a real, genuine, honest-to-goodness rowboat in her library.

You will notice that Auntie Lulu is NOT in the rowboat. But, you never know where she might turn up next.
What's that behind you?
With the Mr. PotatoHead earrings?


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